So the iPad has finally officially made our shores and suddenly become the trendy thing for a certain type of person to be seen sitting out the front of a cafe with. Personally, I am still slightly unconvinced by its reasons for existence, but its sheer belligerent unnecessary-ness does hold a certain appeal. Although I think I will wait until they make a smaller version that I can fit into my pocket before I buy one. Oh… wait…

But there is a side to the iPad that is far more worrying than just whether it serves any discernible purpose or not. It could well spell the end of our planet.

Why is that? Well, it seems to me that noted Apple products-enthusiast and author, Douglas Adams, actually predicted the iPad in a radio series he wrote in 1978, before he turned it into a book in 1979.

The book is, of course, the rather wonderful Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy and the device is, of course, the Guide itself.

Adams’ prediction goes far farther than the mere idea of a book-sized device that spits out all manner of information. Take, as an example, this quote describing the  content of the Guide and the fact that it has replaced the Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom in the galaxy:

“While it has many omissions, contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important ways; first, it is slightly cheaper and second, it has the words Don’t Panic inscribed in large, friendly letters on the cover.”

Dunno about you, but that sounds pretty much like the internet and its marvelous ability to be a wonderful source of any information on almost anything, regardless of whether or not it is useful, interesting or, indeed, accurate. Like the Guide, the internet has an answer to nearly any question you may have on almost any subject. It may not  be the right answer – probably won’t be in fact – but at least it is an answer.

Now consider the physical form of the Guide itself. It is described as being a “sort of electronic book” with a screen and small keypad. Change the keypad into a touchscreen and that sounds very much like an iPad to me.

In the books the Guide is made by a company that started out as a friendly, trendy happy place but eventually transformed into a massive, evil intergalactic corporation with plans of utter domination and, of course, the destruction of earth in all various dimensions.

Which sounds pretty much like Apple, which started out as a friendly, trendy happy place making stylish products for the geeky minority, before it began its current transformation into the ruthless, design-led evil intergalactic corporation that it appears to be now.

So therefore, I put it to you that an iPad with an active internet connection is essentially the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Therefore I suggest that if you have an iPad, then you should immediately get a wallpaper that features the words Don’t Panic in large, friendly letters. And a towel, because you will need it when Apple eventually destroys the earth.

You could also lie on the ground, or put a paper bag over your head or something. But it probably won’t make any difference.